Saturday, July 31, 2004
1st BoOk OuT~!
Hooray...
i'm out of camp since
i step in on 27th 8.30am....
okie......
now here's a short summary of the week .
1) to those who always consider SCDF as people who have low education level ,
den you're WRONG !!!!
for mine intake , 92th ,
i can say , 90% were diploma holder or NTC holder .
(guess SCDF wanna to make SCDF a "SMART" bunchs of guys)
2) to those who always consider SCDF as places filled with malays ,
den you're RIGHT !!!!
but for mine intake ,
almost 70% were chinese .
(finally i can ease mine doubt of struggle with other races !!)
3) to those who you think SCDF is a slack place compare to SAF ,
den you're WRONG !!!!
it's still as tough as SAF .
(so i can conclude , POLICE is the BEST !!)
4) Finally i can have a reason to cut "
BOTAK"
(so cooling now.... =) )
5) Training for the 1st wk was
ALRITE .
(cause it's orientation wk... so expect for the worst upcoming)
6) recruit life is f***ing
SHIT .
(can't imagine from a BB 2LT to a recruit in SCDF)
haha....
felt shitty....
but get along well .......so not a problems guyz.....
7) no
HP is allow......
(so shitty , so gonna "leave" the modern world for a few wks....)
8)
Physical Training (short-form P.T) was tough....
cause those instructor are people from hell...
(hope they dun see this)
that time we didn't saw them.....and thus forgot to greet them...
they
WACKED us like siao...
damn it.... ,
but it's still alrite.... as it
tougher us to be a MAN !!!
9) You gonna
greet any freaking shit....
from those lance corporal....to those officers....
(imagine in a day , can greet them few zillions time upon seeing them .)
10) Everyday is a
Drinking Day .
You drink a huge mug of WATER ,
before you go to P.T .
and just before you think that was simple ,
then try the day before ,
at 9 pm ,
drink 1 litre of WATER at a GO.
for the 1st day in mine platroon ,
we had a few "
MERLION"s ,
(haha.......it sounded funny)
but thinking they don't get to it.....
so accept the fact .
11) Everyday is a
sleep early ,
wake up early thing .
okie ,
i sleep at 10 pm .
and wake up at 4.30am .
what you think ???
for someone who always online till late nite
&
for someone who always slack on bed ....
12) NS system quite
cock-up ....
althought SCDF have been around for yrs ,
but still ,
i think they still have some communication barriers ,
or system cock-up .
hope they improve it soon .
13) i might get mine
VOCATION soon !!!!
yup ,
it's onli 1st wk ,but some of us in the new platroon have been posted out
to
Civil Defence Academy ( a.k.a
CDA )
here's the posting they given us :
1)
FIREFIGHTER
2)
ERS (long-form as
Emergency
Recuse
Specialist)
so what's the difference btw them ??
they're juz the same .
juz that for FF ,
you gonna stay in for
3 mths ,
learn the skill of fighting fires & recuses ,
you get lance corporal or corporal rank , i think .
while for ERS ,
you gonna stay in for
6 mths ,
learn the skill of fighting fires & recuse ,
learn the skill of evaluate situation ,
learn the skill of leading 4 FF under you ,
you get sergent rank , i think .
14) i might not get ERS also .
cause during the 1st interview with mine OFFICER ,
everything went well ,
but upon mentioning that i have colourblindness ,
he said : "
OH ..... , den chances are lower as they don't accept colourblindness..."
(
i was quite disappointed at that point of moment as i wanna to get into it)
but a few days later ,
they sent me to CDA for 2nd interview .
this time ,
i was thinking : "
are they making a mistakes ??? there's other more better choices ."
(
cause mostly are not colorblind & stand more chances than i do )
upon reaching CDA ,
i decided to "
FAKE" mine colorblindness if they happen to ask .
(
so as to increase mine chances of getting into it )
during the 2nd interview ,
they took out the colourblindness book( that need you to see the no. ) .
I WAS DUMBFOUNDED !!!!
i gonna to admit it .
in the end ,
they freaking gave me a sian look like i wasted their bloody time .
obviously i knew i blew it this time ard .
as mine name was not called out during that time .
but , on that day of booking out ,
our NCOs announced the names that will be going to
FF &
ERS .
mine was called , into the ERS .
shocked . confused . happy . sad .
that's the mix feeling i got during that pt of time .
shocked .
as in i knew i was rejected ,
but why was mine name called again ??
confused .
as in R they making those communication break-down things again ??
hope they don't kick mine ass when i enter CDA .
like : "
F*** , U COLOURBLIND den Y THE HELL ARE YOU HERE FOR ??? "
happy .
if i manage to get in , without much troubles ,
that's the posting that i wanted . =)
sad .
the training inside is EVEN tougher .
as a FF n ERS ,
things you gonna carry are so "
LIGHT" that you can't even stand properly .
and i also have some "
sport injures" .
very worried it will affect me .
and they will kick mine ass out ,
becoming those freaking low-rank ppl whom they treat like shit .
yup ,
that's the shortest summary i can give you .
actually ,
i wanna to
see you all guyz .
WKend
meant so much for me ,
even more now .
***************************************************
well , guyz....
althought the training were tough ,
i kept telling myself .
for the past few wks ,
i've been going through even Tougher things .
HER .
so nothing can be compare to it .
it's a gd training for me to forget everything ,
and start everything anew .
bless me mine frenz .
2 yrs 2 mths to go .
so how are you all ??
miss you all........
do leave me a msg ........
BeAv|s KaObEi at 10:45:00 PM
|
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Last Entries as a BOY =)
juz finishing packing bag....
in a few hrs time
i'm gonna be a real "MAN"
ahha
well guyz ,
thankz for being with me ,
for the past few wks ,
mths , yrs .
especially when i'm super down recently .
okie.
think i should cut short of mine "speech" ,
like that ,
then u all will
MISS me even more .
ahaha.......
i'll miss everyone of you .
miss mine freedom .
miss mine hair .
miss mine internet access .
miss mine bed .
miss mine HP .
miss mine TV .
miss mine MP3 .
miss you .
miss him .
miss her .
and especially
HER .
okie .
stop all this
mushy stuff .
as if ,
i'm not gonna see u all forever lahz .......
"..........to GOD :
sorry that i always pray to u when i needed you .
but you were always there for me all the time .
i'm a black sheep .
forgive mine sins .
juz wanna to pray that the rest of the days will be fine .
bless mine frenz .
bless the natural for less hazards .
bless everyone safety .
thank god .
in heavens' name ,
i pray .
A menz ......."
P.s : Saturday , let's meet up~! guyz. cheersz.....
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:51:00 AM
|
Sunday, July 25, 2004
" I........"
felt pissed .
been struggling to find words to type .
expressing myself.
i can't .
it's been hrs .
i'm lost .
what she did , matters to me .
but i know ,
i shouldn't feel this way .
i still miss her .
but i know ,
i can't .
i still love her .
but i know ,
i can't .
i wanna to delete everything regarding her .
but ,
it's hard for me .
" ......she choose to 4get me , does that means i have to 4get her too .... ?? "
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:31:00 PM
|
Friday, July 23, 2004
*** sTaRs ***
click on the links below :
(might take long , if you're having slow connections )
http://cw3.so-net.net.tw/techfun/kokoro/star01.html
http://cw3.so-net.net.tw/techfun/kokoro/star02.html
http://cw3.so-net.net.tw/techfun/kokoro/star03.html
http://cw3.so-net.net.tw/techfun/kokoro/star04.html
http://cw3.so-net.net.tw/techfun/kokoro/star05.html
http://cw3.so-net.net.tw/techfun/kokoro/star6-1.html
have been watching this FLASH clips since few days ago .
mine favourite was Part 4 & 5 .
dunno why....
i felt for it .
maybe the situation is the same .
juz that not as touching , loving as it is .
the ending.
to others ,
sad . shouldn't be this way.
to me ,
i think....
the memories of being together is sweet .
quote from the story :
" ......Dare to love , I give you mine blessing...... "
" ......the further distance in this world , is that i stand beside you ,
..... and you never realised " I LOVE YOU " ....... "
" .....to her , once being deeply loved by someone , is a blessing.......
or should we say.....
....to her , who rejected someone who loved her deeply , is a loss ........"
well ,
hope it's a blessing for her .
BeAv|s KaObEi at 12:13:00 PM
|
F-E-A-R
this blog of mine is weird.
other pple update it ,
juz to inform other how happy , great ,
watever fun things they did.
but mine ,
i update it onli when i'm more of a down kind.
if i'm happy ,
i wouldn't know how to update it.
i'm more of those pessimistic kind.
i suppose.
don't you all think so too ?
***************************************************
There's certain fears i wouldn't faced.
sometime ,
i juz pretend to be ignorance.
sometime ,
i juz shield away from it.
sometime ,
.........
I.... i ......
i juz break-down....
not knowing how to handle.... .
what will you do ,
if you faced your fears ?
i'm scare.....
The Fear Of Truth
here's a conversation btw me and mine frenz :
me : " neber noe she give up so easily "
S : " not she give up...is she reali noes what she want... "
i dared not ,
accept that she left .
dared not ,
accept the reason why she left .
dared not ,
believing every single things .
a simple conversation .
i decieved myself all along ,
believing i knew the truth .
but the truth ,
was something i could never accept all along.
yes.
I'm not a brave one.
not every guy you know is .
my confidences ,
my ego ,
my bravery........
were all gone .
ever since ,
she's gone .
times ,
i would asked......
" Y i'm so timid ?? "
There's no replies in me .
perhaps ,
my heart n mind are sick of accepting & deciving the truth.
FEAR ,
will i dared to face you ?
overcoming you ?
BeAv|s KaObEi at 2:38:00 AM
|
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
ThE "aFtEr" LiFe........
Before I start to write anything....
let's "listen" to the songs below :
MeL C - Never Be The Same Again
C'MON!!!!
Ooh, yeah
Never be the same again
I call you up whenever things go wrong
You're always there
You are my shoulder to cry on
I can't believe it took me quite so long
To take the forbidden step
Is this something that I might regret?
(Come on, on)
Nothing ventured nothing gained
(You are the one)
A lonely heart that can't be tamed
(Come on, come on)
I'm hoping that you feel the same
This is something that I can't forget
I thought that we would just be friends
Things will never be the same again
It's just the beginning it's not the end
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never, never be the same again
Never be the same again
Now I know that we were close before
I'm glad I realised I need you so much more
And I don't care what everyone will say
It's about you and me
And we'll never be the same again
I thought that we would just be friends (oh yeah)
Things will never be the same again (Never be the same again)
It's just the beginning itís not the end (We've only just begun)
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door (Opened up the door)
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never, never be the same again
Never be the same again
Night and day
Black beach sand to red clay
The US to UK
NYC to LA
From sidewalks to highways
See it'll never be the same
What I'm sayin'
My mind frame never changed ëtil you came rearranged
But sometimes it seems completely forbidden
To discover those feelings that we kept so well hidden
Where there's no competition
And you render my condition
Though improbable itís not impossible
For a love that could be unstoppable
But wait. A fine line's between fate and destiny
Do you believe in the things that were just meant to be?
When you tell me the stories of your quest for me
Picturesque is the picture you paint effortlessly
And as our energies mix and begin to multiply
Everyday situations, they start to simplify
So things will never be the same between you and I
We intertwined our life forces and now weíre unified
I thought that we would just be friends
Things will never be the same again
It's just the beginning it's not the end
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never, never be the same again (Come on, come on)
Things will never be the same again (You are the one)
Never be the same again
It's not a secret any more
We'll never be the same again
It's not a secret any more
We'll never be the same again
Never be the same again
Never be the same again
Never be the same again
Never be the same again
Coldplay - The Scientist
Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Its only science apart.
Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.
I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.
Oh-ooooh...
Aaaah...
Aerosmith - I don't wanna to miss a thing
i could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
watch you smile while your sleeping,
while your far away and dreaming,
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
i could stay lost in this moment forever,
every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure,
(chorus)
i don't want to close my eyes, i don't want to fall asleep
cause i miss you babe,and i don't want to miss a thing,
cause even when i dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do,
i still miss you babe, and i don't want to miss a thing,
lying close to you feeling your heart beating,
and i wondering what your dreaming,
wondering if it's me your seeing,
and then i kiss your eyes and thank god we're together,
i just want to stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever
(chorus)
i don't want to miss one smile,
i don't want to miss one kiss,
i just want to be with you right here with you,
just like this, i just want to hold you close ,
and feel your heart so close to mine,
and just stay here in this moment,
for all of the rest of time
(chorus)
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall assleep
'cause I miss you babe
And I dont wanna miss a thing
'cause even when I dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
And I'll still miss you babe
And I dont wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
And I dont wanna miss a thing
*********************************************************
3 different kind of songs.
2 different kind of feeling.
1 kind of me.
how ya feeling now ?
you might ask..........
i'm not sure.
mine brain told me to get along with life .
mine heart told me to cherish hope for us .
I spoke with confidence , when i said i wanna to 4get her .
I boiled up anger , when frenz said i still can't get over her .
I timidly , hiding some corner , thinking about her.
had quite a long sleep yesterday till this moring.
had have 2 dreams .
She's in it . appeared in it .
First ,
i think i was going somewhere to meet some frenz ,
then there , she was alone in the bus-stop .
I knew it's her from one glance .
she neber noticed me .
so i sat nearby , waiting for mine frenz ,
and thus ,
overlooking at her .
wondering where she's going or who she's waiting .
A bus came ,
a little kid came down .
That's Kenneth , her nephew .
and they went back home .
we didn't spoke .
Second ,
I recieved a SMSes message from her .
here's the content (can't clearly remember much) :
"....Hi , how are you getting along ?.....bleh bleh bleh.....
.....
........wan to meet up for lunch ?....."
upon recieving it ,
dumbfounded , stared blankly at it .
one part of me ,
said : "go meet her ...no big deal..."
the other part ,
said : "it's weird seeing each other...."
in the midst of deciding what i should reply her.
I woke up.
Guess it's too hard for me to take.
even in dreams.
This ain't the 1st time i dreamt of her.
even when we're together .
i dreamt of her .
of her buying gift . Gucci stuff .
for her sis .
Well ,
Dreams are juz dreams .
you woke up .
eventually forgetting every single one of them.
if not wrong she told me once ,
"....Human dream almost everyday....
abt 10 over dreams.....
but they onli remembered a single or so ....."
not bad ,
i managed to remember 2 of it .
both with her involved.
"....miss in day.... , dream in night......"
Read a article once ,
Dreams ,
were made during semi - conscious of your sleep.
meaning when ya're half asleep , half awake ,
Dreams ,
were all created by what you have been wanting .
your mind created it for you .
That's why ,
some might felt "real" in dreams .
some might felt "true" as it do appear in the near future .
some woke up after a dream.
in the article also said ,
after every dreams you remember ,
Do write it down .
You neber noe if it might really happen in the future .
It's more like a "Pre-Future Prediction".
So , Bloggers ,
if so happen you dream tonite ,
write it down .
Althought dreams are just dreams.
who knows ,
it might come true in the future.
be it a bad or good.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 11:31:00 AM
|
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
BeAuTiFuL LiFe ~!
Recently finished this yr 2000 production.
Actor : Kimura Takuya
actress : Tokiwa Takako
it's the 2nd time or 3rd time ( can't remember) ,
seeing it.
The story.
A bike-riding hair stylist meets a wheelchair-bound woman
who refuses to let her disabilities prevent her from enjoying life.
it's..........
Touching.
Simple but Sweet.
Here's what i got from each episode :
Episode 2
The night scenery flowed by like being on a jet coaster at night,
I was thrilled...she came into the deepest, invisible place
in my heart...but....when she disappears, together with her,
I lose that place in my heart......
Episode 3
The both of us kissed in front of the toilet.
Our first kiss.
As I held on to you that was so fragile, I quietly tried to think about our future.
But that didn't go smoothly.
Just like a soap bubble, it disappeared in an instant....
I....where do I go from here...
Episode 4
Sometimes, I think a remembered telephone number is so sad...
....the telephone number you told me that moment,
I still haven't been able to forget it...
...even when you.......are no longer around.......
Episode 6
It was a little lie...
Satsuki was......she was someone that I loved passionately...
when my youth ended, that existence disappeared from my sight...
Whenever I think of that time,
it's like a dream of beautiful scenes that I shouldn't recall...
....heartrending.......
I never called her...maybe I was afraid or something...
that I'd see those scenes again...
they're all far away in a place inside me...
deep in my heart, locked away with a key........
Episode 10
My life is my very own...
the one that told me that...is you...
this...beautiful life...
Episode 11
If there's a world after death, it could be in someone's heart...
You are in my heart, living in there forever...
Kyoko...did I...love you like I should have......?
*****************************************************************
A simple , craving love .
how many of you do believe in "happily ever after" ?
how many special people will you meet in your entire life ?
Have you live life to the Fullest ?
or have you been pulled by the nose ?
Have you did what you always longing for ??
*****************************************************************
B'z - KONYA TSUKI NO MIERU OKA NI
If by any chance, one way or another
I were to enter inside of you
I will look at myself with your eyes
Then I might discover many new things
Because the more I love you
The more lost I become in the midst of fog
If you just give me your hand
We shall go and see the flaming moon shining brightly over the hilltop
I’m coming for you, so stay right there
Even only bits and pieces
Until I make clear of your feelings
I won't sleep tonight
When you feel comfortable or uncomfortable
That’s exactly what I feel too
If you fall and make mistakes
No matter how many times, I will stride in proudly to help you
After experiencing pain and hurt
I finally realize that we’re just fine like that
And that it’s not too late for us
If you just give me your hand
We shall go and see the lurking stars sprinkled brightly over the hilltop
Even if we fall into deep pain
And we get hurt
Just put the blame on me, it’s okay
I want to see that smile of yours which seems about to burst out
If you just give me your hand
We shall go and see the round and full moon shining over the hilltop
And it will shine on everyone in the world
Until their hearts are reflected into patterns in the night sky
Don’t just smile like that all the timeEven only bits and pieces
Until I make clear of your feelings
I want us to be together tonight
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:41:00 PM
|
The Verdict ??
Gd morning blogger ,
Gd morning Singapore ,
it's 6.23am .
Again , i wrote blog in the morning .
haha....
this time round ,
i was being disturb to wake up
and couldn't get back to sleep
as the thoughts of writting strike me !!
had had juz 5 hrs of sleep earlier on .
yesterday i was up whole day .
24hrs without sleep .
yupper.
24hrs or more without sleep .
it's common to me nowadays .
can't get to sleep due to certain reasons.
Firstly was HER .
Secondly was i went over to frenz's house to fix some computer problems.
Thirdly was i met up with Kok keong for some drinks at Starbucks.
yup.
Again Kok keong shown his lame magics to his lame frenz .
2 ladies.
the Magic ,
impressive , but kind of boring till certain extent .
ahha...
********************************************************************
obviously ,
some might think ,
it's been a mth or so ,
does it have to take that long to forget someone ?
well , to me or to anyone of you ,
is there a definite answer to it ??
I'm not sure.
maybe someone of you are brave enough to accept the fact.
I've been "nagging" to some frenz abt mine recent problems .
so i should compound some of it out .
The Verdict
Yes ,
I don't think i'm the "loser" in this relationship .
I have had truly love her .
Deep down in me.
I cherished every single moment being with her.
I Sent every heart-loving SMSes to her.
Images of her set deep in me .
Everytime i eagered to being with her .
News , be it bad or gd ,
I shared it with her.
First.
Problems , Be it Tough or Simple ,
I solved it with her.
Together.
Fault , Be it Mine or Hers,
I accepted it as mine.
Kindly.
Day , Be it Rainy or Sunny ,
I shielded for her.
Tightly.
Night , Be it Chilly or Dark.
I pathed for her.
Warmly.
Mood of her , Be it moody or Down.
I stayed by her.
Closely.
Everything of her , Be it nuisance or bother,
I Defenced for her.
Defensively.
Joke of mine , Be it Crappy or Corny,
I made her smiled.
Happily.
Days of mine , Be it down or terrible,
thoughts of her made me good.
Hug , Be it Tightly or Gentle,
It's Warm for her.
Kisses , Be it simple or meaningful,
It express unspoken words of mine.
but,
there's a regret that i missed out blindly.
being with her,
i should have treat everyday like the
LAST DAY
Never did i thought ,
It ended so swiftly.
Yup.
I learnt alot.
I changed.
I gave my all.
If There's Grade in Relationship ,
I'm sure i'll score a B- .
ahha..
obviously there's always rooms of improvement.
Frenz told me ,
".....U gained someone you truly loved & she lost someone who loved her deeply .
so who's the "winner" now ??......"
yup.
people do make mistakes.
so do i.
Mistakes , doing it once is enough .
but doing it twice ??
isn't it foolish ?
********************************************************************
It's been a month or so ,
Firstly , I would love to THANK everyone who stood by me when i needed you all the most.
I've been asking myself...
"....why i felt so heart-broken this time around....."
yup.
I gave in as a whole.
the Breaking-up came all to sudden to me.
it's a breaking new.
Can you imagine you lost someone you loved instantly ?
Can you imagine if the Doctor break the news to you that you're dieing tomolo ?
Can you imagine juz minutes ago someone said "I LOVE YOU" and minutes later he/she die ?
actually ,
if i was sort of mentally prepared ,
preparing for the worst ,
will i be this bad now ?
Things are unpredictable.
How mentally prepare can we be ??
Do we always prepare for the worst ??
Like Su Dong Bo said "......to part is inevitable...."
should i have such concept in love life ??
& juz like
Sun Zi Bing Fa stated " .....know yourself , know your enemy..........and you win victorys !!....."
Maybe i should i know more abt the "enemy" 1st.
haha...
Not to worry.
As i promised to myseld & frenz ....
The Brand New "old" James will be Back...
When ?
you might ask....
Well ,
I'm not Sure myself ,
but i'll be myself during my Birthday.
on 16th Sept.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 6:21:00 AM
|
Monday, July 19, 2004
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than an eternity without it...."
this line is from one of the scene ,
from the Movie
"City Of Angel".
Said by Nicholas Cage.
In the movie,
Nicholas was an angel ,
sent from heaven ,
for a simple task.
check-out of human being.
but never did he knew ,
he fell in love.
with a lovely lady ,
Meg Ryan.
Nicholas was by her side.
ALways.
be it sad.
rainy.
happy.
moody.
he still stood by her.
observing her.
Meg somehow realised there's this angel by her side.
and too ,
falling in love.
you might ask ?
how can an angel fall in love with a human ?
where they can't even feel each others ?
touch each others ?
hug each others ?
YES
u might have guess or known it .
Nicholas exchanged eternity &
tranformed to a human being.
and yes.
finally,
they touched , see , felt , hugged
each others.
lovely ending ?
nope.
while meg was out cycling for food supplies ,
she got knocked by a truck.
as expected.
she died.
Nicholas , who sacrificed eternity , juz to be with the one he loved so deeply
can't take the fact that she's gone.
neber been a human b4 ,
nicholas braced the fact .
and eventually learnt to live like a human.
******************************************************************
Think of it ,
will you all do such sacrifices for the one you loved ?
or are we just another self-ish human being who only think abt ourself ?
is it worthy doing so ?
and the returns that worst ?
I never expected much .
I juz wished i was the angel ,
whom i can stood by my loved one ,
every now and then ,
till death do us apart.
have you found your angel ? or human that you loved yet ?
******************************************************************
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
******************************************************************
BeAv|s KaObEi at 12:57:00 PM
|
The Onli FOOL in the WORLD ~!
yes.
it's 6.14 am in the morning.
wonder why i woke up so early ??
juz wan to tell you all.
i haven't been sleeping.
i'm juz to sad to sleep.
I tot i had get over her.
4get her.
ignore her.
keep aside what's happening ard her.
her things.
her surronding.
her everything.
neber noe juz a PHOTO,
could "heat" up mine emotion.
yes.
she's back with her Ex.
The one who's in her heart for so long.
3 yrs.
This time i admit defeat.
I muz admit i'm the
BIGGEST FOOL in this world.
aM i the 3rd party ?
aM i wrong to love ?
aM i wrong to know how she felt ?
aM i wrong to let her know how i really felt ?
aM i ?
she smiled so happily in the photo.
I knew i should have been happy for her.
it's tough.
happen so fast.
within mth of breakup,
she's back with him
AGAIN !!!
what's the real cause of our breakup ?
can someone pls tell me ??
dear frenz,
what i should do now ?
to ling :
Glad you have found the right guy.
guess it's time to move on from now.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 6:13:00 AM
|
Thursday, July 15, 2004
X - Japan -> The Last Song
Watching the stars till they're gone.
Like an actor all alone.
Who never knew the story he was in.
who never knew the story ends.
Like the sky reflecting my heart.
All the colours become visible.
When the morning begins,
I'll read the last line...
Endless rain, embraces me. Night approaches morning.
My heart is not yet soaked.
In endless rain, I've been walking.
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers,
trying to hide the tears.
But it was just a circle
that never ends.
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page,
the page of the first chapter...
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood.
Why am I still asking the question.
Am I wrong to he hurt?
Am I wrong to feel pain?
Am I wrong to be in the rain?
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end?
Am I wrong to cry?
But I know, it's not wrong to sing the last song,
cause forever fades...
lf I wake up again, I'll gaze at the night sky alone.
Our memories fade away little by little.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question.
I see red.
I see blue.
But the silver lining, gradually takes over.
When the morning begins,
I'll be in the next chapter.
Endless rain embraced me.
Night approaches morning, my heart is not yet soaked.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood.
Why am I still asking the question
BeAv|s KaObEi at 5:10:00 PM
|
The RigHt Move-MeNt ~!!
Well,
i did something that i think that was correct.
Finally i did
MY PART~!
so now,
it juz needed the other party to finish it's part.
how long will it takes ?
who knows ?
=)
day 36 of me ~!
wish me Luck.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 2:38:00 PM
|
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Back For Good - Take That
I guess now it's time for me to give up
I feel it's time
Got a picture of you beside me
Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup
Got a fist of pure emotion
Got a head of shattered dreams
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now
Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood
Unaware but underlined I figured out this story
It wasn't good
But in the corner of my mind I celebrated glory
But that was not to be
In the twist of separation you excelled at being free
Can't you find a little room inside for me
Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood
And we'll be together, this time is forever
We'll be fighting and forever we will be
So complete in our love
We will never be uncovered again
Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood
I guess now it's time, that you came back for good
BeAv|s KaObEi at 6:18:00 PM
|
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
The Long Monday ~!
didn't plan to go out initally.
but due to circumstances,
had to settle some Boys' Brigade stuffs.
took a bus journey,
down to Sim Drive to collect some stuffs
b4 going down to HQ.
During the journey,
as usual,
i was standing at the extreme end of the deck.
that's where i had mine deep thoughts.
journey were long.
thoughts of her was deep.
heart sank low.
throughout the journey,
hand-held my HP-lanyard.
The knit of her name & mine.
L-I-N-G
it spelled.
i touched every single words.
4 letters,
but meant lotz.
During bus-journey,
she appeared.
images of her.
everywhere.
It rain.
Heaven cried for me
and so i thought.
maybe cried for how wimpy i m.
i appeared strong in everyone.
yes.
strong.
but,
they don't know,
how strong my heart could be.
reached HQ.
everything can't be settle
due to some mis-understanding.
went GREAT WORLD CITY for a walk.
moody as i m.
i juz walk without a target.
in the end,
decided to go CITY.
to collect my "STORY" from a frenz of mine.
a bad listener.
but a gd consultant who always kick my ass up.
reminding me
to forget abt her.
took a shuttle bus from GREAT WORLD CITY to orchard.
down in orchard,
as time was long.
i decided to go for a walk or so.
from TANG city.
i decided to walk down to millennium walk.
today was "youth day".
never did i thought wkday like this could be so crowed.
walking path was slow.
slower than usual.
guess i was hope-ing to see her on streets.
never did i knew taking slow paces,
could see so much.
i saw STEPH SONG.
people whom i glance at friendsters.
paces were indeed slow,
slow enough for me to deep thoughts.
walking as i m.
i felt something.
everyone's like in their own world.
their own creative,designated world.
some were creative,well-dress.
some were cool.
some gained center of attraction.
mine?
lonely.isolated.
Read story abt
"THE LITTLE PRINCE" ??
the concept of own world came from it.
in it,
everyone,too,
lived in their own world.
doing their own things.
rule-ing what they owned.
walking within the crowds,
made me go mad.
i don't know why.
all i wan was a quiet walk down.
and all i got was this.
so while the crowds mostly walked by the left of the road,
i walked right.
where there's basically no crowds.
a step , a thought.
i think about she don't even bother SMSed.
a simple SMS.
do things have to go that worst ?
Then, journey down to city,
alone,
was great.
so peaceful.
so away from noise,
their WORLD.
their joyful world.
reached city hall.
decided to go MPH for a browse of book.
actually in serach of a book.
A WALK TO REMEMBER
by Nicholas Sparks
it's her favourite.
wanna to buy it for us.
letting me read what's on her mind.
her world of love.
her concept of love.
but i didn't.
realised i could be foolish for such act.
or should i say.
IT'S A STUPID ACT ANYWAY
Finally reached.
was near to 6 in the evening.
a 2 hour walk.
took the story "THE LITTLE PRINCE"
from my frenz.
then went woodlands,
then for dinner,
and back home.
back home,
somethings i found,
made me feel miserable.
it's juz too....
i......
nevermind.
silent is the best solution.
if memories can be like computer,
format,
and everything be brand new.
ain't it good for people like me.
p.s : Sorry for being a SORE LOSER.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 10:54:00 AM
|
Friday, July 02, 2004
Brand New July , Old New Me ~!
it's been hours of thoughts....
wondering what i'm gonna write...
mind has been drain dry..
there were times when i wanted to blog.
but i'm juz been too......
LAZY
lazy to type out how i felt.
TIRED
tired of writing to someone.
NUMB
numb are mine feelings.
21:56 , July 02 , 04
***************************************
To Friends,
Juz a update abt me.
It's July.
and
YES
i meant july.
i'm going in on
27th this month.
to serve my Nation.
being a gd citizen(boy).
i obviously have to oblige to the nation's rule.
Right here,
i would loved to express mine gratitude to you all.
THANK for tolerating
my non-senses ,
my lameness ,
my un-reasonable ,
my crapness ,
my corny jokes that you all find it hard to laugh with ,
my what-ever-stupid things i did.
WITHOUT YOU
there can never be a
JAMES of today.
BEING WITH YOU ALL
It's a life-learning experiences ,
which i learnt from each,single,individual souls.
once again,
THANK YOU ALL ~!
22:28 , July 02 , 04
***************************************
Chen Xiao Dong - Xin Shang Xin Tong Bu Tong
david tao - ai heng jian dan
goo goo dolls - iris
MLTR - That's Why (You Go Away)
wang li hong - Liang Ge Ren Bu Deng Yu Wo Men
Xin_Yue_Tuan - Yi_Liao_Bai_Liao
Zhou Jie Lun - An Jing
Zhou_Jie_Lun - Hei Se You Mo
Zhou Chuan Xiong - Ji Shi Ben
Des'ree - Kissing You (Romeo And Juliet)
Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You
su yong kang - Bei shang zhi bu
Ah Mei - Ting Hai
Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending
Lara Fabian - Broken vow
Daniel Chan - Bi Wo Xing Fu
Mariah Carey - My All
All these were some songs
that i've been listening for weeks.
If words spoken ,
tell you how intelligent a man is.
then i can tell you,
listen to what he's listening,
and you will know how he feels.
22:47 , July 02 , 04
***************************************
were there times...
where you just wanna to be alone?
so alone,
where you wished everyone ard you disappear?
so slient,
where a gasp of wind can't be heard?
in the past,
i loved taking rides in bus.
long journey.
alone.
gazing outside,
through the windows.
looking at the white clouds,
blue skys ,
building ,
strangers.
I have always wanna to be a photographer.
reasons ??
to capture every single moments we had in life.
be it happy , sad...
i believe a photo speaks a thousands words.
During those lonely journey,
I thought alotz.
I regretted not having it written/taken down.
The thoughts of a innocent kid,
hanging out the streets just like the other kids.
without stress , trouble , free from the world.
Guess it's a thing of the past.
let it be a sweet memories in me ~!
23:18 , July 02 , 04
***************************************
To You,
is there nothing you can talk to me ??
even to frenz,
there's words of cares & concern.
i'm worse than that.
never know putting up a false-front can be so tough.
23:26 , July 02 , 04
***************************************
What's LOVE ??
1. A feeling of strong attachment induced by that which
delights or commands admiration; pre["e]minent kindness or
devotion to another; affection; tenderness; as, the love
of brothers and sisters.
2. Especially, devoted attachment to, or tender or passionate
affection for, one of the opposite sex.
3. Courtship; -- chiefly in the phrase to make love, i. e.,
to court, to woo, to solicit union in marriage.
4. Affection; kind feeling; friendship; strong liking or
desire; fondness; good will; -- opposed to {hate}; often
with of and an object.
A few explanation that i found online.
If onli Love can be so easy as those define.
23:37 , July 02 , 04
***************************************
BeAv|s KaObEi at 9:33:00 PM
|
