Monday, October 31, 2005
Sweet... Just Sweet ~!
Short chat.
But it's enough to carry in me, a sweet dream through-out my nights.
Simple action.
Make me look silly in writing those impulsive stuff about you.
I'm glad you're understanding.
I should deserve something worse through.
Short.
But it's enough. The sweetness will carry on in me.
Sweet. I dunno how to describe the feeling i have now.
My heart smile again.
Contented. I'm easily contented.
Buy me a Candy and i will do you anything.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:11:00 AM
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Saturday, October 29, 2005
Your Replies, My Freedom ~!
If...
You could use just one word to describe me ?
What would that be ?
Don't tell me!
I already know what you're gonna say.
***********************************************************
I give up ~!
My dear friend.
I don't have the strength to give chase.
I can't catch up with you.
You already run far-away like the others.
Faraway to Never-land.
A place filled with joys n laughters.
A place where you never regret.
A place where you will shed a tear no more.
A place where your love stay warm.
A place where you have a shoulder to lean on.
A place where you have a strong arm for support.
A place where there's heart for companionship.
A place filled with sunshine lollipops.
Oh... i'm so tired.
Ahh, Leg crampz. damnzzz
Send me a postcard "
Wish you were HERE " when you reach there.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 3:40:00 AM
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Thursday, October 27, 2005
"The Cycle"
*was that sweet, lovely comment for me ?*Yes,
I have to admit.
Sweetness have indeed turned sour.
Bubble Gum have lost its chewy tension & taste.
Day have turned Dark... and into a lonely one.
If only,
Love is like a dish, lacking of flavours.
Just add abit of seasoning, abit of ingredients,
All adding up to a tasty food that suits everyone.
If only,
Love is like a cup of cold coffee.
Just heat it up, add sugar, add milk, add coffee mix,
All adding up to a warm cup of coffee that ease you down.
But all of us know the facts.
That Love ain't simple as what i've written.
It's always part of the cycle thingy.
I don't know what it's called.
probably i just name it "
The Love Cycle ".
From Total Strangers to Lover.
In between, different stages of relationship, that revolves one another.
Acquaintance, Friends, Foe, Good Friend, Close Friend. Etc.
I knew of this lovely total stranger way back in '98.
Which i don't have a single weeny bit of idea what really drew me to her.
Probably it's Hormones that did.
*ahhaa*
In btw this 7yrs, 7 long years of cycle.
From mIRC chats to ICQ, Friendster to MSN, Virtual chat online to Physical meet-outs.
From Simple Dinner to Simple Dates, Clubbing to celebration of birthdays.
It's Funny how 7 long years seems yesterday.
Yes,
We're not in the stage of lover now,
But neither are we in the stage of total stranger.
We're probably somewhere in between.
Probably in a stage where we faced before.
Barely a "Hi, Bye" conversation. Nor a "Heylo, I'm Fine! How about you? " chat.
Probably it's the start of a brand new beginning. Or probably not.
7 years it took,
to establish a certain degree of trust and to demolish a certain kind of relationship.
"The Love Cycle" happens on everyone, anyone.
revolving consistently.
Which Stages is everyone at now ?? with the one whom you establish the Cycle with ??
8 years, i wrote.
is just another cycle that awaits right in front of me.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 8:39:00 PM
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Never Say Good-bye ~!
Good-bye is just one of those ways to forget and let go.
Past Memories is always sweet in a way i can't describe.
One that make your heart smile.
Never can i forget everything sweet that happened.
Not one, Not two .... but three lovely memories here in me.
Flash back are always about sweet things, things we love to do, places we love to go.
Quarrels/arguements are jokes of how ignorant/funny we used to be.
Embrace memories, say "hello".
giving it a little peck.
thanking it for how sweet, lovely it has been.
Smile while heading for the future.
With a little gesture of "hello" Waving and lovely memories in you.
Never Say Good-bye.
The Day have not ended.
It had just begun.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:39:00 AM
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Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Learn to cope, Learn to plan, Learn to fail ~!
School will commence this coming Friday, 28th Oct .
Part of me
Excited. Looking forward toward new school and environment.
New stuff. New challenges.
Other part of me
Worried. Scare might not be able to cope. $$.
Oh well,
New things, New Life, New challenge, New stuff to learn.
Come what may .......
I'm all ready for you....
*bash*
***********************************************************
Been doing some calculation ....
Left with
273 days in NS .
Wow...
Seems Far, but i know... Time pass very, and i mean VERY fast.
By then,
I'll be getting my lovely "
pinky" IC that i miss looking at.
The "
ugly" youthful pics of mine on it.
And then i'll be suffering, out in the working industries.
Ahhhzzz ,
Grown-up. Works. Money. Stress.
All coming together at a go.
***********************************************************
Time Left :
7years 11Months 7days as of today (26th Oct 2005)Time still ticking down.
Probably for the better.
By then.
I'll be 30.
She'll be 28.
8yrs is a long margin.
I've begin to plan, think for the future.
8yrs.
I should have establish my own career, my own life, my lifestyle.
8yrs.
Alot of things will change eventually.
My friends having their own family, into their own career, into their own lifestyle.
While probably 8yrs later,
I'll still be single. Waiting for the "one" to "drop" by.
Working hard just to survive one day.
Roaming around wondering why i'm still around.
Or probably 8yrs later,
She's still single and i'm still single and we so......SssSo happen to meet up again.
Hey~!
No one knows~!
Things might just happen..... Again.
*sound kinda hard though... since tonz of guyz are always after her .... hahaa...They, Guy, never miss out pretty ger like her. *But come to think of it,
8yrs is
FREAKING LONG, My Lord ~!
By then,
I'll be 30 ....and i'll be kinda "old", (
well... think i use MATURE better).....to rise my child...
Seeing him/her through pre-school to primary school to secondary school...
and all the way through MARRIAGE....
and seeing my own Grandchild.
What? By then i'll be like 60yrs old plus grand-dad?
Geesh,
I don't even know if i can survive half-a-century.
Ahhh....
Cannot Cannot.....
I wanna to be the
COOLEST DAD in the whole Universal .
Be the DAD where my child's friends keep praising....
" Hey, James' JR.... How i wish i have a COOL dad like yours ~! "Be the DAD where my child's friends' mummy keep drooling.....
" OH my... Wish my husband was him ~! "Hahaa.....
I want.... I want.....
8 years just a guide-line.
8 years just a goal.
8 years just a wish.
It really doesn't matter.... It's just something i "force" myself to pursue.
Without a GOal, I'll be life-less.
8 years.....
I'm still counting down, BABY ~! Waiting for you~!
BeAv|s KaObEi at 9:45:00 PM
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Friday, October 21, 2005
I miss....
Being an angel
Being a joker
Being corny
Being nerdy
Being silly
Being funny
Being a cheer-upper
Being a love-giver
Being a pain-thrasher
Being a joy-bringer
Being a tear-dryer
Being a smile-lifter
Being a frown-cleaner
Being a heart-stopper
Being a grin-bearing love
I miss July 5th .
I miss Aug 13th .
I miss Aug 25th .
I miss Sept 16th - Sept 19th .
I miss Sept 28th .
I miss Oct 2nd & Oct 3rd .
I miss Kisses .
I miss embraces .
I miss holding hands .
I miss the time .
I miss the places .
I miss the atmosphere .
I miss the foods .
I miss Ice Earl Vanilla .
I miss the movies .
I miss clubbing .
I miss Sims Drives .
I miss Bus 80 .
I miss waiting at serangoon .
I miss Bus 133 .
I miss NEL .
I miss Dover MRT .
I miss waiting for 2hrs .
I miss paying $2 bucks for over-stay in Mrt .
I miss late dinner .
I miss the shelter at sims drives .
I miss Ajunied Mrt .
I miss MSN Winks .
I miss MSN kisses .
I miss MSN huggies .
I miss talking on phone .
I miss sms-ing you .
I miss sms-ing till you fell asleep .
I miss thinking of you first when i woke up .
I miss reciving SMS-es when you woke up .
I miss sms-ing when i start missing you .
I miss shopping .
I miss shopping when you're around .
I miss shopping when i know i'm a bad companion .
I miss someone laughs at my english .
I miss someone correct my english .
I miss someone who hate me for my lazy tongue .
I miss "nickname" .
I miss calling "names" .
I miss your name .
I miss taking leave to meet up .
I miss waking up early on leave days .
I miss waking up early on leave days just to have breakfast with you .
I miss the days before getting together .
I miss the days when we're together .
I miss the days even we're "together".
I miss lending you my shoulder to cry on .
I miss wiping your tears .
I miss wiping your tears even when it's not meant for me .
I miss your dance moves .
I miss taking photo with you .
I miss you when you're out trekking .
I miss your friendster profiles .
I miss your blog .
I miss when you read my blog too .
I miss secondary school .
I miss your performance in school .
I miss the chance to talk and know you earlier .
I miss the chance to play tennis with you .
I miss the chance to go services with you .
I miss the chance to go tanning with you .
I miss when you have initiative to start conversation with me .
I miss when you will plan dates out .
I miss when you know i miss/love you .
I miss talking to you .
I miss meeting you .
I miss smsing you .
I miss you calling me "laogong" .
I miss you calling me "baby" .
I miss you calling me "james" .
I miss my laopo .
I miss my baby .
I miss my....... ANGEL .
I.........
....still miss you .
BeAv|s KaObEi at 2:01:00 AM
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005
The Game We Love to Hate, Hate to Love ~!
I seen so many played this game before .
Some won, Some lost .
Some came back heart-broken .
Some came back proud .
Some cry, Some smile .
Some gone missing .
Some goes dancing .
It's a game everyone's bound to play .
In this game,
there's neither winner nor loser .
Winner are one who put in their heart in but loses to the wrong partner .
Loser are one who give up easily but win in getting less heart-aching .
Hardly any Win-Lose situation .
There's no house rules .
There's no time limit .
Rules are set upon by both players .
Who-so-ever fail to comply each others' rule, get boot-out .
Time stop when ones start giving up .
Emotional feeling, Acting skill, lies, weird behaviours, Endurance, Tolerance .... and so ever..
are what we will be encountering .
This game teaches about life .
Life lesson .
Things we don't learn from school or books .
Things we don't heard from parents or friends .
Things we don't download and install in us .
Life, itself, have so many things we have yet to learn .
I played them thrice .
Wasn't the best player .
Experience new things .
Loathe the outcomes .
Told myself after every games .
"...I'll improve...."
I wanna to show i've changed .
I wanna to prove i've learned .
I yearn to taste ......
..
.....
happiness .
Yes . Happiness .
" ...Happily Ever After.... "
Yet,
the desire to show, to prove, to taste ..... all come down to fear .
The fear of losing
The fear of learning
The fear of giving
The fear of crying
The fear of heart-ache
All coming back .
AGAIN .
Fear .
awaits for new challenges .
Giving up without giving a try, wasn't my kind of war method .
Initially .
Now......
It's all different . All so differnt .
The game i loved so much, turned against me .
The outcome i hated , laughing at me .
The Game of Love .
Don't we just hate to love, love to hate so much ??
Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate! O anything, of nothing first create!
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:51:00 AM
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Let It Burn .....
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
you know that it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gonna let it burn
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh
So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return
BeAv|s KaObEi at 12:47:00 AM
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Thursday, October 13, 2005
UnSpOkEn ~!
I have so many things i wanna to say .
H..mm...mm.....
May... Be...
Certain things are better left unsaid .
BeAv|s KaObEi at 11:54:00 PM
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Content ~!
With my eyes open,
i see too many things that i wants in life .Things everyone wanted or never have the chance to own it .But with my eyes closes,
I'm already glad with what i have in hand .My family, my friends, my life, what god have given me and everything in me .Content with how things works now . Simplicity .
***********************************************************
I felt so peaceful .
when i'm floating in the pool .
Eyes closes, Ears in the water where i can't heard a single thing,
Whole body so carefree like i'm floating in the air .
My mind thinks of nothing .
Just nothing . And i'm happy . Don't know why .
Too many things been stressing up lately .
Glad i found back the "peaceful" me . ^_*
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:30:00 AM
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Saturday, October 08, 2005
A Letter To Future Me ~!
Dear James,
As i'm writing this to you,
i hope you haven't change your name to
JACK yet .
If not an
ASS will link up to you more often than ever .
Well,
Earlier on,
You tried to convience yourself that you're alrite . moving on .
Okie... You've been trying very hard . Probably a little too hard .
And so,
you tried talking to her .
to test yourself out .
Hmmm,
What more i can say ??
You failed terrible .
Not only u didn't show what a gentleman should react .
and you got yourself pissed off .
and you got her pissed as well .... =)
What's wrong with you, manz ???
Relax .
Com'on , Face the fact .
You didn't moved on . not a single inch .
See all the
blog entries you wrote earlier on .
Just what you're trying to show here ?
Emotional entries that you think will touch peoples' heart? Moved them ??
Bad moves i should say .
Brace up, Buddy .
Be a man . Be the stranger like she said . Give the space and distant that you two need .
James,
Do you always need that cruel treatment then you will learn ?
Why can't you just accept the fact that things are just what they are ?
Don't try to change the fact .
For the fact will always be the fact .
You've been trying too hard, Buddy .
Just as i'm writing this,
Probably things have screwed up till 80% . or more .
She's pissed now... haha ~!
Opps.... haha... whatever ~!
oh well ....
It's ok, James .
Probably by then,
She got herself a new bf and forget that someone like you exists or pissed her off before .
While you're still hanging there,
hoping things will turn better and she'll turn back to you .
Isn't it dumb of you to do that ??
Com on,
Be the man that knows what's going on .What's in your life . And what you really want in a gf .
You can't just sit around, rotting and wait for her online all day .
Get it going .....
Get yourself active . Find new things to do . Find chicks to hook .
Be Yourself .
She don't care about you . She can't be bothered with you . Not a single bit .
New Guys probably caught her attention .
Guy, better looking, hunky, smartie, Richie, Funnier than you~! or probably just with a Porsche .
You're nothing to her, James .
WAKE up ~! Buddy ......~!
Where's the James that we loved so much ? or probably a little ?
where he have that cheeky smiles, corny jokes, or serious talks of his own ??
Buddy...Wake Up ~!~....
Faced it... Probably she hated you to core .
She can't simply wait for you to get out of her sight, out of her internet,
out of her friendster, out of her HP and out of her Life .
Wakey Wakey.... Rise and Shine ~!
James, Are you under spell ?? haha....
Because the "JAMES" i know doesn't write mushy stuff .
Giving me all that goosebump .
Wake Up ~!~!~
James,
ignore her to your fullest .
Show me your bad boy attitude .
You're GTO .....
remember ???
Ignore mode to the Max ~!~
James,
When you really moved on, They will know .
Stop all those mushy writing .
It sucks . Your english suck .
Hate to say all this but ya, it does ~!
And those Goosebumps you given everyone ...look what you've done.
Look around you,
You still have your friends around .
Your buddies .... so many of them who have been through tough times with you .
Why you care so much for someone who doesn't ?
Someone who give up on you ?
The world, full of hot chicks in club... Can you resist them ?? Woooo...
James,
after writing all this ... Although its only meant for you to read .
but since it's a free web blog where everyone get a share of it ....
Just laugh off while reading .
Probably, weird comments from people will come by .
Be it un-gentleman, childish, foolish or what-so-ever,
just ignore it .
This's just btw you and me .
Er.... should i say btw me and me ?? *weird*
You're.....
With the smile on your face, probably a new gf who's willing to go through with you,
a new job, a new life, new friends and a new you .
Lastly,
i took so much risk in writing all this .
Probably making you in the midst of losing a friend . a good friend . trust-worthy friend .
But oh well,
didn't she said distant ? or move on ? stranger ?
Probably she didn't expect this .... haha... Life's full of un-expectation ~!!~
James ,
Have you move on ?
Past James.
Signing off .
08 Oct 2005
BeAv|s KaObEi at 2:47:00 AM
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Friday, October 07, 2005
A letter to God ~!
To : GOD (God@I-am-in-heaven.com)Cc : Someone i love (Someone@forever-in-my-heart.com)
Subject : I...
Dear God,
Why is it so hard to love and be loved in return ??
Why is it that simple for one to forget and be forgotten ??
Why is it so simple for one to play stranger and ignore ??
God,
Glad you're always by my side . When i'm down .
Glad you create an angel so beautiful . Lovely .
Hope she knows she's one ~!
Hope she's fine . Hope she's doing well . Hope she's happy .
Hope she knows .... i still care .
She's the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be .
Lost sheep .
P.S. : Hope... she reads.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 9:30:00 PM
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Familiar Stranger, How are you ?Probably,
If i really ....really read what i wrote through-out the year ,
I would have learnt my mistakes .
Same mistakes that i made .
I would've avoid them .
I thought . I got them all correct again .
Right Timing .
Right Place .
Right Question .
Right Answer .
Right Feeling .
Right Person .
May...Be...
I got a few factors wrong .
Careless mistakes.
Probably,
If you read what you wrote in Early August,
You understand how i feel now .
I feel how you felt during then .
Be understanding .
Probably,
If you read what you wrote in Late August,
I wish we could be in that stage now .
Things were simple then .
Things were sweeter .
Things were much easier to handle .
Names we gave one another . "LG & LP" .
8yrs waiting that seems so childish that kids laugh at .
Sms-ing / Msn-ing one another that never seems to end .
Probably you all think i can't get over .
I did .
Didn't i ?
Just that i always assume things will resume back to before .
Before everything .
How wishful am i .
Hope a simple concern over sms-es, Msn or any other forms ,
Doesn't mis-interpret my intention .
They meant no harm .
Just concern over a friend .
Someone we love .
Probably from start,
I shouldn't have written all this .
Just that i
HATE .
The fact that someone i loved and know, seems so distant now .
Familiar Stranger, How are you ?
BeAv|s KaObEi at 3:26:00 AM
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Tuesday, October 04, 2005
The smile i miss, comes from your heart ~!
The smile of your heart .
That i didn't saw for months .
Finally's here .
The smell of freedom you longed for .
Couldn't been better than oxygen itself .
Finally's here .
The real meaning behind your name .
Joyful, Carefree, Young and Breeze .
Finally's here .
Remember
World B, Baby ??
Yes, We're both happier now .
Not saying
World A is really bad .
Probably you think it's too early for that .
I have my bungee ready to jump,
while you still have your trekking to climb .
I have my NS to serve,
while you have your studies to cope .
I have my go-kart waiting ahead in malaysia,
while you have your driving lesson waiting ahead in driving school .
I have my sky-diving ready,
while you have your trips around the world .
I have my KTV,
while you have your Zouk .
I have my Cheena,
while you have your "potato" .
I have you around,
while you have me around .
Time's still early .
We're still young . So do nights .
Live life to the fullest .
Road still long ahead .
Strangers that we've yet to meet .
Enemy that we've yet to make .
But baby,
when you're ready for
World A, inform me k ?
Like i said,
" I'll wait , till someone right comes along for you ~! "
Well,
I'm not persistent, people .
This is James .
This is just who i am .
You call me Silly . No other names .
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:36:00 AM
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Monday, October 03, 2005
(_o_)
Outcomes are always same .
Just depend on how you people look at it .
We simply loves the status now ~!
Nothing more we can ask for .
Wee Wee ~!~!
BeAv|s KaObEi at 3:14:00 AM
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