Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Memories, not in yours ~!
If it was that way,
Then when will it stop failing ?
There's no better half.
There's no perfect one.
I failed.
Because i search for the half that make me better, the half that makes me perfect.
But i wasn't theirs'.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 7:23:00 PM
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Friday, November 25, 2005
On a Night like this....
If 9 days ago,
If i went clubbing like i did on wednesday.
Perhaps, i will still be the same old JAMES.
Smsing her, asking her whether she's going clubbing tonight.
Hoping to see, see her in club.
But all that was gone. Days ago.
Not now. Not anymore.
Here i am, now writing this piece of shit.
As i'm getting ready to watch "Hairy Porter" with my "Xiong Di" later on.
Life is getting better.
Mood is getting wilder.
Sex Drive is running faster.
Wowwww.
Haha..
Friend, she is.
I consider.
Years, 7yrs down.
And still counting.
Ahhh,
The air i breathe.....
....
...
" Did you fart @#~!#$% ??? "
BeAv|s KaObEi at 7:27:00 PM
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Thursday, November 24, 2005
New Night, Dance Night
I went out late.
I went out drinking.
I went dancing.
I went mad.
I went crazy.
I went wild.
I met up old frenz.
I made new frenz.
I made new "old" frenz.
I went Zouk (Phuture). Weee.... I love it ~!
BeAv|s KaObEi at 7:19:00 PM
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Chapter One - My New Beginning
Geesh,
It rained almost the whole day.
Probably best for those people like me,
who tend to stay put in my bunk.
But hey,
I didn't sleep. I studied.
Oh well, only for a few pages thought.
It's straining my brain manz...
So how's the new blog heading ??
Not much different i guess.
Just rush thru and look nicer than i draw.
So might as well...
I think it's quite neat compare to previous~! Don't you think ?
Manz,
Sad News.... For no news is good news.
My Cellphone "died"ed on me again.
This time round,
Careless "I" accidentally spilled my drink on the table thus kanna my HP.
Now it's in "coma" state. Brain still working.
Hopefully the battery & body can hook up and turn back on.
Arghh..
Is my 3yrs plus long relationship with my HP gonna break up in this manner ?
I miss it so much...
although it's abit "haywired", abit "screwed-up", abit "old" but it's
LOVE that counts.
Oh ya...
And some good updates.
I'm attached again.
Hooray...
She's lovely.
Someone who doesn't lie to me.
Someone who has been around with me all this years.
She's truthful.
Someone who's by my side when i needed help the most.
Someone who give me good advices.
She's God's gift.
Someone who can clicks well with me and almost anyone.
Someone who can jokes around and be serious at times.
She's my everything.
Someone who know the real me.
Someone who like me for who i really am.
Her name is called
"FRIENDS".Ahhh...
I realised how happily attached i am to singlehood, to friends and to freedom.
Probably i was just flirting around recently.
But now i'm back with
"Friends" and i'll treasure them more.
For
"she" will not treat me like strangers nor lie to me.
"... Friends, Thank for everything you've done ..."
*goosebumps*P.S. : Singlehood means You're free to flirt around with anyone, anytime. And i
LOVE that~! Weeeee....
BeAv|s KaObEi at 12:16:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 22, 2005
- The End - Part Two
Every Ending links to a New Beginning.
Every Beginning links to a New Ending.
I'm gonna leave all my worthless thoughts and worthless things behind.
What's coming,
are brand new blog heading, brand new blog entries and of course, brand new me.
I'll write nothing of the past. Nothing of the hurting past.
For the past hurted me deeply, For the past hated me to core.
Past are just a learning pharse.
I've learnt. It's enough.
She's........
....
..
It hurts. But I'll remember.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 5:15:00 AM
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Monday, November 21, 2005
I wish you love ~!
So found someone who could make your heart pound fast ?
someone who could make your heart skip ?
That's good.
Love him 100%...
Love him trulyful....
Love him for who is he....
Love him by not lying to him.....
Love him for he's not someone else....
Love him for he's not like me.... so idiotic...
Dare to love... Love...
I wish you ~!
I'm just a fool.
As always.
Thanks for everything.
You're welcome.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 5:39:00 AM
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Friday, November 18, 2005
Lies.....
Do tell the truth and i'll feel better.
At least it wouldn't hurt that deep.
Do tell the truth and i'll feel better.
I'm willing to accept it.
Do tell the truth and i'll feel better.
Tell me and i'll understand.
......
....
...
..
Here's the truth,
I'm not winning you back.
Here's the truth,
I'm not pin-ing much hopes.
Here's the truth,
I know i'm a friend.
Here's the truth,
I hate to lose a friend like you.
Oh well,
I already did, didn't i ?
As always,
Look what You have done, James !
I'm no different to that jerk.
Call me a Loser. Sore Loser.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 12:00:00 AM
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Thursday, November 17, 2005
Shit... Can the World be in such coincidence ??
How can such a small country like Singapore.....
In such a small area....in a small room where i'm study....
And so happen, in such a coincidence,
That Joyce, my baby, 's Ex Bf.... that
JACKASS is studying the same course with me.
Same few Modules and somemore it's been the fourth week now,
Then i came to realised i seen such an Jackass before.
What a jackass !!!
What a venue to meet you up like that !!!
Thanks for making my baby cried~! Damn you~!
God's playing a joke on me and he's laughing.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 10:14:00 PM
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
- The End -
God did not promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow, sun without rain;
but He did promise strength for the day,
comfort for the tears and light for the way.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.
- jadey -
BeAv|s KaObEi at 10:56:00 PM
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Sunday, November 13, 2005
Angel with a broken heart and wings
Around this period last year,
when she was just about to finish her A's.
I stood by as an friend,
standing by her, praying her A's result come out well and eventually to Uni.
I was, still an angel then.Standing faraway praying for this lovely friend of mine.During Chinese New Year this year,
when she was probably with him.
I approached her as an friend,
passing her movie VCD late at night, to catch a glimpse of her and chat a little.
I was, still an angel then.Standing by her.During mid period this year,
when she's already with him.
I met up with her like a friend,
finally a meet-up where chat time are longer than usual and seeing of facial's expression.
I was, still an angel then.This time, i made visible and made her acknowledge my presence.During early August this year,
when she broke up with him.
I consoled her like a good friend,
drying her tears with my bare hands.
I was, still an angel then.Ensuring my friend are all feeling al-rite.During late August this year,
when we got together.
I wasn't a friend anymore,
i was more than a tailor.
I was, still an angel then.This time, we stood side by side for one another.During early October this year,
we "moved on".
I wasn't a friend anymore,
unable to care like one anymore.
I was, still an angel then,an angel with a broken heart.Now, this time, 4.08am,
No idea how's she, where she is, who she's with.
I'm just a "friend",
one who can't care for her, can't pray for her, can't catch a glimpse of her,
can't meet her up, can't dry her tears no more. All but no longer the same.
I'm still an angel now. Or hardly consider one.One with a broken heart plus a pair of broken wings.When she's LOST as a child now, there's nothing i can do.
I felt so Use-less.
.
..
...
I should have know the consquences for crossing the boundary.
There's a price to pay for it.
Heart-broken, tears, Loneliness
The prices i deserve to pay.
Angels are never allowed to fall for people.
NEVERI disobeyed the regulations.
I should have learnt 1st time round.
I didn't.
Now,
all i can do, is to stare at this pathetic monitor.
Update myself on her blog,
frequents check on friendster,
Open chat-box of MSN but didn't talk to her.
It feels ....she's around. Beside me.
Rejection. Dejection. Depression. Isolation.
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream "....How could this happen to me ?...."
...
..
.
I'm... learning to flight. Again.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 3:38:00 AM
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Saturday, November 12, 2005
Two minus One may not be One ~!
A Ship sailing without a destination.
Wander.
A Port stood by without an anchoring ship.
Awaits.
What a pathetic sight,
but just how irony can it be.
***********************************************************
Slient is the best way to speak up
Ignorance is the best way to keep in touch
Blogging is the best way to communicate
Darkness is the best way to sight
Thoughts is the best way to feel
Memories is the best way to breathe
The best way as that's no other way
BeAv|s KaObEi at 2:15:00 AM
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Friday, November 11, 2005
BuBBle...
I ain't sweet as a lollipop,
I'm just a nice cover bubblegum.
Look good on the outside, sweetness within few bites.
No different on the inside, turn bland within next few.
Don't remember me as SWEET.
Anyone around you can be that.
I'm sure i'm more than that.
Remember me as LOVELY.
Lovely in a silly way,
For how i fall for you like no one does.
Friends don't do that.
I do more than a friend.
Sweet yet Lovely in a silly way
Will you remember me that way ??
BeAv|s KaObEi at 2:37:00 AM
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Thursday, November 10, 2005
Without Nights
It's 20mins to 2a.m .
It's raining outside the windows.
What has been running through my mind ?
She's who i've been missing.
Nights, so quiet.
Images of her came flashing.
Where is she now, i wonder ?
Probably out clubbing, Out movies or just out dating.
Hope she enjoy herself where-ever she is or who she is with.
" I miss you. "
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:38:00 AM
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Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Hold in prayers' faith ~!
Your hands
Warmth
Feelings i've never felt before
Clasp
So firm, realised i'm not alone anymore
Fingers
That've interlocked lonely mine
Yours' led mine
I mellowed.
Palm to palm,
I did pray we'll never be apart
They said
it take Two's to clap
But
They didn't mention
It takes loves
just for me to feel that way
In loneliness, I drowned
It was yours
That pulled me up to heaven
giving me a glimpse of hope
Now
Here i am
Hands lock in prayers' faith
I pray
" Will you be holding my hand once again ? "
BeAv|s KaObEi at 9:46:00 PM
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Again....I DreamtI woke up, Missing her again.
I know i shouldn't.
My heart just couldn't.
It's hurts when i realised she's not around. Anymore.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 5:41:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Thought-less~!
Words don't come out at times when i needed it the MOST.
My brain just shut down.
I don't quite understand why.
Why my brain have failed me.
Before striking a conversation with joyce, I had alot in mind.
Things i wanna to ask, Things i wanna to know or
MAYBE THINGS THAT I DON'T GET TO KNOW.
But i really don't know why.
Planning and execution are just completely 180 degrees different.
Is it because my brain knew i gonna screw the whole situation up and
spoilt the whole relationship we had just establish ??
And thus stopping me, preventing me from doing something idiotic ??
May... Be...
I'm well-known for my impulsive action. I do things without thinking of the consquences.
Thus, i thank god for creating smart people, for smart people creates BLOGs.
In blog, i just simply write down what i really feels.
Writing what i really mean, writing in my point of views.
At times, feelings just bottled up in me that i feel i need to release.
No where to turn to, or i can't tell anyone or her. I turned to blogs instead.
But isn't it funny ?
The one i wanna to talk to so much, yet my brain malfunction.
While here i'm doing the talking to myself,
being my own consultant,
being my only "friend",
giving myself the love advice,
giving myself something to think about,
and being everything that i have miss for.
Are all this just signs of loner ?
Where they're just being themself too much ?
Or am i going to fall in love with myself in blog ?
Or am i going to make love with my computer instead ?
***********************************************************
You're a diary written by GOD too.
I would love to read and know you better.
But the Problem is ...... Can i ??
Time is ticking as love is fading.
But the problem is.... how long will it still tick ??
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:05:00 AM
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Monday, November 07, 2005
I am.....
Sometime,
after i wrote everything and i read through it.
I felt i'm being silly.
Just silly as a little kid,
who still believe there's Santa, Santa who would climb down by the chimney and
put presents for you in your big red socks.
Just silly as a little kid,
who still believe there's tooth fairy, fairy who would come and took away your milk teeth
and put a candy beside you.
Just silly as a little kid,
who still believe there's monster, monster under your bed and scare you at night.
Probably,
I'm still silly as one.
Silly enough to let people laugh at my actions.
Silly enough to let people know what kind of person i am.
Or maybe, silly enough for her to know.
Silly enough to bluff myself.
Silly enough to give myself some hope, telling future that there's future btw us.
Silly enough to smile at myself whenever i took train bypass her house,
thinking of how sweet it was walking her back home.
Silly enough to open the MSN chat window when she's online,
hoping maybe she talk to me.
Silly enough to sms her on her exam days, wishing her lucks,
thinking maybe it could be of some encouragement.
I'm not thinking negative here,
but i'm just comment on certain action that i'm doing.
I'm not sure if it is of GOOD or BAD.
or is there an answer to it ??
Some people like it good, while others prefer to serve it BAD.
Whatever.
Probably,
everyone or may..be she too, thinking it's just silly of me.
I know......
or i just simply don't know a single thing....
I think,
I just have to do what my heart tells me to.
Guess i'm gonna be silly guy to do silly things for her ~!
BeAv|s KaObEi at 9:49:00 PM
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Saturday, November 05, 2005
The "J Dumci Code"
In this blog entry, lies a hidden message.
Message that only meant for my baby.
It's probably the after-effect of reading "Da Vinci Code" that inspire me to write,
Something like this.
Something that i didn't expect to write.
You needn't crack open your brain to solve this.
Only a few letters that form the message.
Under "great" circumstances, will all the letters appear obvious.
,Judging from what i see,
Only can prove how bored one like me can be.
You can knock me on my head like what you used to, whenever you saw "wu gui che".
Can you figure out the hidden messages ??
Everything you see, everything i wrote, come within me. Truly.
.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 6:59:00 PM
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Friday, November 04, 2005
Do you ??
Had that feeling that someone's near you, so close to you that you can feel her presences,
But yet it's so faraway ?
Had that feeling you wanna to tell someone " I miss you so much",
But yet you wish they don't know anything about it ?
Had that feeling you wanna to call someone just to see how she's doing,
But yet your hand just don't listen to you ?
Had that feeling you wanna to wish someone a simple goodnight,
But yet it seem so tough ?
Had that impulsive feeling you wanna to tell someone everything,
But your heart just stop you in time ?
Had that feeling just by looking at someone's photo whom you haven't seen for a month,
But yet seems like you just met her yesterday ?
Had that feeling that whatever nonsense you wrote might make you will feel better,
But yet it didn't help a single bit ?
Had that feeling you should be asleep by 2.15am on a Friday morning,
But yet no idea why you can't get to sleep, probably just because "someone's" still online ?
Had that feeling you should not publish an blog entry like this,
But yet no idea why you still do ?
Had that feeling that whatever you wrote for the past few weeks seems silly,
But yet you wish someone understand how silly in a lovely way it may be ?
Had that feeling you don't know what you're doing now,
But yet you're still carrying on with what you're doing ?
Had that feeling you just.... just want that someone to know every single things now,
But yet you know it's impossible ?
Had that feeling you hope something will get back to what it was before,
But yet you already knew everything is gone ?
May... Be...
That's how i feels now.
Doubt anyone understand how it feels. *sigh*
If only.....
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:51:00 AM
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Thursday, November 03, 2005
If Only ~!
If only, it was unbreakable.
Then, I wouldn't be able to see people falling apart.
If only, it was meant to be.
Then, I wouldn't be able to see people walking alone.
If only, it was born to recieve.
Then, I wouldn't be able to see people losing it.
If only, it was real.
Then, I wouldn't be able to see people waking up crying.
If only, it was unbreakable again.
Then, will you still be mine ?
Just only. If only.
My one and only.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 1:49:00 AM
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Wednesday, November 02, 2005
I Dreamt Of You ~!
A dream of mine awoke me.
Probably too real that shattered me.
Not the first but hoping not the last.
Just something i wished, that it could lasts.
Not a nightmare, Fear i scared.
Just a sweet dream, Tears i shed.
Just how sweet, i'm calling it sweet ?
Having
YOU in it, proved indeed.
No idea why i dreamt of you now and then,
probably can't forget you this and that.
Can't remember much of it,
but i know only an
ANGEL like you can be in it.
Starting with a "Hello, Let's Meet up",
Ending with a "Goodbye, Time is up".
Seem so real and
YET so sweet,
But now i'm awake and feeling so sick.
Smiles you've made, i can't forget.
Alone you're gone, i can't reject.
If dreams i had, can be last,
Wouldn't it be nice for both of us ?
Self-ish thinking is what i can say,
Who isn't, can say
"I".
Lovely dream, when will
YOU be real ?
Lonely dream, when will it be kill ?
Probably still, i'm in dreamland.
No idea how i wrote all that.
BeAv|s KaObEi at 12:37:00 AM
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