Sunday, December 26, 2004
HaPpY BoXiNg DaY ~!~
hey hey hey ,
opps ,
it's
" Ho Ho Ho ...." everyone ~!~
so enjoyed all your Christmas eve Celebration ?
&
what abt the presents that you have recieved ??
well ,
mine party was great ~!
a simple gathering at frenz's house ...
where each of us bought foods over ...
&
Xchange gift ~!~
haha..
overall was great ~!
and seem like i gave more den recieve ~!~
ahha...that's What Christmas is all abt manz~!
GIVING~!~
Christmas is 12days along.....
....
& of course !
2005 is like a 7days or less away from now ~!
can't wait for it to come ....
apologize that i didn't update mine blog as often .
mine fingers & brain seem to be struck ,
& i've been like running ard in a big cycle...
everythings seem so similar & so routine...
"......wake up ,
take bus ,
work ,
sleep ,
work ,
pack up ,
home ,
sleep ........
bleh bleh bleh....."
haiz....
what to do when ya're serving NS ??
but hey ,
at least life is not that bad as for now .....
looking forward to a better one....
hahaa ~!~
*********************************************
hey ,
here's a letter of a idiot to a lady ....haha...
*dumb letter thought ...."
here it is :
Didn't meant to bother you with the rubbish i'm going to write now....
but juz wanna to let you noe how i felt the veri moment.
Wed 09
never did i expect our love to end so soon.
i was so deeply into it then.
& the SMSes scattered mine dream.
that veri moment
Question that pops in mine mind was " WHY ??",
and all i want was a simple answer,
a simple answer that let me noe what's mine fault,mistakes.
but all u did was ignored.
breaking up without a word,
is worst / heart-broken / heart-ache than
breaking up that ends with quarrel / fights / argues.
couldn't slept...
was wondering when you're gonna reply me with a answer.
i have to confess.
i cried.
so was mine heart.
i noe you're confused too.
i don't blame you.
you've the right to do what u think it's correct.
Thur 10
after a day,
thinking you might have come out with an answer.
SMS u in the wee morning.
hoping you'll reply soon.
you didn't.
i'm still veri sad.
so i confide to others, THE GUY. (R & A)
They were great.
giving me concerns & cares & courage.
It was them who gave me ,again, the courage to prove mine love to you.
asking for a second try.
giving us a new try , new hopes.
Guess they see how deeply hurt i was.
But i feared.
that you'll gonna reject me.
Again.
didn't have the much courages i had before
to SMS you.
So they helped me. Gave me a Great Push.
And you Replyed.
And I called Back.
"hello ?" from the tone of urs.
my whole mind went blank.
was thinking of words , stubborn words, heart-broken words, lovely words,
that could bring you back to me.
Yes.
And i meant bring you back to mine life.
you came out with an answer.
" incompatible"
obvious,
there was i, so in love with you,
can't accept the fact.
That moment,
i felt unfair.
not because of the answers.
but the period of time and chances u gave others compared to me.
cuts went deeper.
during the conversion,
i sensed you still have feeling for me.
so was i.
but
you had to cruelly break mine heart.
rejecting me.
u had ur reason.
i should have respect it.
i shouldn't have been so rush.
hanging up the phone,
mine feeling was juz like the tone.
DEAD.
i feared for the answer you gonna give to me the next day.
i'm prepared for the worst.
Sorry for abrupt reaction.
i should have understand how you felt.
I knew ur mind was all set.
it muz have been tough for you.
Fri 11
woke up,
1st thing was u.
wanna to meet you.
for a final answer.
i'm more of prepare for the worst.
after 2 days,
finally manage to see you.
from the looks , the eye contact,
i knew ur mind is set.
i tried.
tried to change ur decision.
and i failed.
when ask if you still have feeling for me,
ur reply was "YES".
i asked myself : "Y Can't 2 people who had feeling for each other can't be together ?? "
i'm confused.
by the answer u gave me.
so i had to force u out for a serious / real / truthful answer.
and you said,
abt the character, how i dun appreciate you, how you placed me in ur heart.
i'm sorry i wasn't convinced.
guess that wasn't the answer i wan to hear from you.
sorry for being self-ish.
i juz wanna to keep you in me.
for some moments,
i saw tears in ur eyes.
but u held them back.
it gones to show how tough ya're going through.
acting so heartless in front of me.
being so cruel to me.
how i wish you cried in front of me.
showing how you realli feel.
so i could wipe ur tears with mine hand.
tasting the bitterness of life from it.
after hrs,
i noe you had enough.
i don't wish to waste ur time.
so i go with your decision.
as a friends.
like what u say.
a path where we can understand each other better..
a path that can lead us together.
Love.
when ya're ready for work.
i requested for a final hug.
it may sound stupid.
but i juz wanna to hug the lady i loved so much.
someone who go through so much to reject me.
hugging you.
i cried.
the last hug i ever get from you.
and
wonder if ever had a chance again.
again out in the street,
i requested for something foolish again.
i wanna to hold ur hand one last time.
knowing that it's the last path way we walked as lovers.
we walked slow.
i was the one talking.
nonsense.
hoping things could turn last min.
hoping you could change your mind.
It didn't nor You.
how i wished,
the pathway was long...far........
the time freeze.......
our hand held forever..........
walk all the way to ur workplace............
how times ran so fast....
reaching the station.
we halted.
by the gates.
i knew you couldn't let go.......ain't you ?
so was i....
again foolishly.....
i tot of asking you for a kiss........
a one last kiss...
a way of saying our last gd bye ?? loves' last gd bye ??
however i didn't,
afraid it's hard for you to take.
we bid farewell.
turning our backs.
i turned and took a peep at you.
wanna you too to take a peep back at me.
you didn't !!
gues it's hard for u to take.
or
u had ur mind set.
a few steps toward the EXIT.
mine heart felt extreme pain.
and juz like a signal to me.
"J, RAN BACK ! GO J GO !"
i did.
turn mine back n ran up the escalators.
I was late.
a min to late.
a sec too slow
i hate the feeling of loved one leaving you.
mine heart wept in pain.
gave u a call. thank goodness you picked up.
managed to see u once more.
inside the train.
i tot by running back to you.
i had the courage to change your mind again.
but i didn't
and made you angry.
I'M SORRY.
reaching your workplace.
i requested to meet u at nite.
and you agreed.
on mine way home,
alone was i.
i began to think abt us.
You.
Me.
Friendship.
Love.
I decided.
to give it a go.
be your frenz.
and win your heart back all over again.
but there's questions left unanswered.
* If as frenz, do i realli have the chance to get back together ?
* If as frenz, what if someone better came and took you away ?
* If as frenz, how can i guarantee we can get back ??
sorry for the self-ish thoughts.
i juz wanna you back.
back home,
gone thorough a mail,
reading abt this story :
The gerz was once in deeply love with a guy ,A.
But somehow they broke up.
Gerz still can't forget abt A.
Yrs passed.
Came a guy,B.
met gerz and got together.
But the relationship wasn't gd.
.........
...
In the end the gerz broke up with B .
telling him that she still can't get over A.
and is sorry for such a mistakes.
After reading this,
mine moronic mind thinking that you still can't get over M.
That muz be it.
how "sure" but foolish was i .
to assume.
night fall,
and we met again.
ask you if you still can't get over M.
ur facial expression change.
into anger.
I knew i shouldn't have said that.
i'm sorry.
den came the friendship questions.
i juz wanna to ensure that i can guarantee a place in ur heart next time.
but you didn't give me back a proper answer.
u led me in confuse.
first you told me we should be frenz b4 getting together again.
then you told me there might be Some chances of getting back
then again you told me It might also be HARD to get back together.
i'm so confused.
ain't we breaking up so we can understand each other better
and get back after that
or was i thinking the wrong way ??
if i was thinking wrongly,
i juz needed a confirmation of how i STAND in getting you back.
you said maybe / dunno / not sure
and if all the above don't work.
ain't we back as frenz when i dun even have the chances to win you back ??
then WHY mention that we could get back when we understand one better ??
I'm totally confused.
so was you.
i guess.
I didn't meant to force an answer out of you.
I juz wan to ensure myself.
ensure of winning you back.
i was self-ish.
But no matter how long period of time i spend,
no matter how tough it may be for me,
no matter if u realli get a "MR RIGHT",
i'll strive to win you back. I'm SURE.
but if you got urself a "Mr RIGHT"
i'm sure i'll be as heart-broken as before.
even painful.
even tougher.
reaching tahan merah.
i could see you have really set ur mind-set.
i was so afraid.
afraid i wouldn't get to see you that often.
often in mine mind.
often in your mind.
often in mine heart.
where you used to place a important role in it.
I admit,
I hated the outcome.
frenz is tough.
especially when we r drifting away.
and how i'm gonan win you when we're far-apart.
and again,
you left,
without a peep back .
That hurt me.
*************** End ************************
while writing it,
i wept.
even more.
how i hope it could reach to u in time.
and tell me how you feel.
give me a CALL ?? pls
love you always,
J
BeAv|s KaObEi at 7:07:00 PM
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Friday, December 10, 2004
SeaSoN Of GiViNg ~!~~
hey hey hey ~~!
15 more graceful dayz to X'mas ~!
have you all bought what-ever essential stuff yet ??
presents ?
what abt mine , dude/dudette ???? * _^
**************************************************
aiyo ,
remember previous entry ??
"the shortest entry ?? " below of this ....
haha.....
mine dear goodness frenz thought i
HATED him to core sia....
hahaa....
aiyo ,
com'on dude ,
it's juz a two cents of thoughts ,
what makes ya think of i hate you ?? haha..
manz ....CHeErOz ~!~
get a life~!~
**************************************************
BeAv|s KaObEi at 11:52:00 PM
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Monday, December 06, 2004
the shortest entry ??
19 more days to christmas ...
ladies & gentleman~!
where's mine gift anyway ??
anyway ....
sorry abt the blog...
ain't having ideas of wat to write ...~!
************************************
read mine sicko frenz blog....
i think he's too much of himself.....
proclaiming shit stuff n so on...
here's that sicko blog :
http://gaylord.typoerror.com/ << click here
i dunno abt you guyz ....
everytime i read upon his blog ,
i felt everything so fake abt him ...
geesh ,
it's like i knew him during recruit time ...
his character , his style , his whatever shit ....
in camp is so different from the blogs...
hahazzz ,
SHIT ,
i think the blog is juz to cover up the REAL him...
haha....
those "cool" comments in the comment box & shoutbox...
everytime make me wonders if he wrote that himself ....
haha......
okie ~!
guyz ,
don't be too much of yourself ...!
here's a words of advice to you full-of-yourself asses :
Too much of everything , Makes you nothing ~!~
P.s :
yo , dude ~!
if ya happen to read this ( which you wouldn't) cause i know you're busy
commenting how great you are .......
juz wanna to say.....i ain't having grudge on ya....
juz mine 2 cents of thoughts~!~
cheeros ~!~
BeAv|s KaObEi at 11:18:00 PM
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